Being Insecure in Bloglandia

     I scroll through my favorite blogs and see posts like How to be Flawless on a Budget and see pictures of more popular bloggers dolled up for pictures looking HOT and I think to myself, "What am I doing here?"

     A few minutes ago I was going to write a post about what's been happening on some of my favorite blogs in the past few weeks. I was just going to provide brief descriptions and links to posts, and let people enjoy. But then my insecurity got to me and I stopped myself with one thought: No one reads my blog, why make a list for people? And then I realized, if I ever want to really feel connected to this world, I have to let go of that insecurity. I have to believe that people do/will want to be a part of my world. I have to believe that making connections with people out there will happen, if I just keep writing and push on.

     I deal with insecurity in my real life, who doesn't? But in my real life, I know who I am and I do what I have to do, and no matter whether the girl next to me is prettier or more interesting or not, I keep pushing on. Because I have to, there is no other option. When I reply to a tweet one of you has sent out, I sit there for a moment and think, Am I embarrassing myself with this tweet? Is it funny enough? Do I seem weird? But isn't weird kind of good? Whatever, hit send. 

     Feeling like the small fish in the big pond isn't even the appropriate analogy for the blog world, because here it's more like being the minnow in the Atlantic ocean. And that's damn intimidating. I don't have dreams of being the next Emily from Cupcakes and Cashmere. Not at all. In all honesty, I just want to continue to be a part of this community and laugh at your tweets and feel like you're all best friends of mine that I just haven't met yet. (In ALL honesty I just want to grab drinks with you all like every night and lay on the beach. But that might be hard to do without us starting our own commune or something.)

This island is called Live Oaks Island and is 12 acres for sale for $6.5million. If we pooled all of our money together, we could but it and it could fit us all. Anyone in?

     I want to feel comfortable enough to post outfit posts without looking at the pictures of myself and thinking, Shit, I look like a whale. Or be confident enough to post about my faith and not feel like all of the bloggers that I love, who don't believe, are going to judge me for it. Because I know they're not. I already know that. But being a part of this world is like being back in high school. You have the girls that everyone knows, the girls who are trying to be the girls who everyone knows, and then you have the rest of us. Everyone is just sort of trying to find their place. And my place hasn't really been defined yet, but I won't stop trying to find it.

And someday I hope I'll find that niche and then realize, I can sit with you. Because what's a blog post without a Mean Girls reference?