And Epiphany About Happiness

Do you guys ever have epiphany moments? I don't mean like in the movies where all of the sudden there's a montage of everything that's recently happened to you and you magically know that you reacted wrong and have to run after the guy you just blew off because he's actually the love of your life even though five minutes ago you thought he was the worlds biggest asshole.

I mean moments where you feel one way, then a few minutes later, you realize you just feel differently. It's a simple thing, and a very odd feeling.

Since I have no shame, I'll be the first to admit that every so often I look up one of Jasons ex-girlfriends on Facebook. It's just this one in particular, and I won't go into why because that's Jasons business not mine.

Anywho, she went on to fall in love and get married and all of that jazz after they broke up and I periodically like to look at her photos, not to compare myself to her, like you might think, but because after he broke up with her she went out and got his name tattooed on her wrist to try to get him back (stupid tactic, but everyone has their own crazy), and I've always wondered if she got it covered up or not, so I'm always on the look out for it.

Today, while I was looking at her pictures, it hit me: I'm happy that she's happy. It's a simple realization, but you have to understand that many years were spent with an inordinate amount of hatred dislike towards her because of the things that she did to Jason, and in many ways to me as well. It felt good to be looking at pictures of her with her husband and family, laughing and having a good time.

And then suddenly, I didn't need to look at her page anymore. Every last ounce of dislike I had for her left my body and I no longer had the urge to know if the tattoo was still present. I no longer had any care in the world towards her except to wish that she remain happy in life.

I realized, as I was looking at her photos, that she had achieved what we all wanted in life: a stable, happy family. Or, she had at least achieved a Facebook page that portrayed that. And I thought about my own current situation.

Yeah, things are a little crazy and weird right now, with us living at my parents, but we both have jobs that we're thankful for and a crazy amount of love for each other. I think of her and of the things she'd gone through in her life, the places I knew she'd been. Life hasn't always been easy on her, but she's come out to make the best out of what she's got, and it's turned into more than I'm sure she could have ever dreamed.

In the song The Blowers Daughter by Damien Rice, he sings the line, "Life goes easy on me, most of the time." I've always thought to myself how thankful I was that I related to that line. My entire life has been relatively easy, and now we're going through a somewhat rough patch with this transition. But that happens. We're alive, our bills are paid, and we get to wake up every day and have family that loves us around us. I just keep thinking for the moment that this rough patch gets smoothed a bit and things begin progressing. Until then, I'll just enjoy the craziness that we wake up to each day, and be thankful that I have this kind of a love in my life.