Me, Myself & That Crazy Lady Down The Street

There's not really a crazy lady down the street. That's me, too.

 

So because I didn't plan a post out for today, and because I'm at work with access only to my Facebook photos, you're getting a little fact sheet about ma-self today.

 

 

To start off, though, we're gonna back our gluteus maximus' behind us, because it's Back That Azz Up Friiidayyyyy with miss Whit-Wickey.

  Now that that's taken care of....

 Hi. :) I was way skinny here. Miss that.   My names Jess. Or Jessa. Or Jessa Marie. Or Messy Jessy. Or Messy Bessy. And sometimes, cat dick. That one is from my loving fiancé. This morning it was 'sex muffin'. He's kind of a unique human being. And any chance I get to embarrass him, I'll take.   Moving on.   Some basic facts about me: I'm 24, turning 25 on the 28th of this month (July, in case you didn't know because you're stuck on a desert island somewhere with no calendar and limited internet access). I'm a born and raised Floridian (we're rare) with a love of sea food, southern traditions, country music, rap music, dogs, Britney Spears, and my family. This is my parents and I in New Orleans. Hence the Hustler Club sign in the background. Yeah, we roll like that (not really).   I like to drink. Mostly wine, also often beer and rum. I'll pretty much drink anything, though, if it's free. That sentence makes me miss college/being single. That's Miller Lite. It was free. Hence the sassy bathroom pose. It was ladies night and I was feelin' hot.   I like to shoot guns. Shot guns are my favorite. I'm hoping to get my own, soon.   I'm a little bit of a country girl, but I'm really just a big mash up of all kinds of persons. As Miranda Lambert says, it takes all kinds of kinds.   I'm also a HUGE animal fan. I love puppies, giraffes, and whales the most.
This is my bestfriend, Rachel. She's been mah boo for about 13 years now.   This is Rachel and I with my fiancé, Jason, when we first started dating.  We were little babies in college.   Sometimes, when I get drunk, I dance like a slut. I was singler here, fyi. So I could do that then. Man, that dress was short. NOT wedding approps. Why didn't anyone tell me?   I'm what I like to refer to as a 'liberal republican'.   I believe in the business sense behind the Republican party, and that there can be a lot of good morals there, but I believe in a lot of other freedoms that most conservatives don't feel are right.   I'm a Christian. I believe in God and all of the amazing things he can do, but I don't live by the bible. I also rarely attend church. It makes me cry, every time. I hate crying in public. I also don't judge others for whether or not they believe in the same things I do.   I met Tom Arnold, once. He was sweaty.
  I'm goofy. Like really, really silly.    I was a really cute kid but this is a terrible representation of me. That's what I get for letting family upload photos of me as a child to Facebook. That's my cousin, Haley, on the right and my dad in the background. Stone cold fox, dad. Stone cold fox.   And for now, that's all you're getting. Because I've run out of pictures and as we all know, I can't write a fact about myself without a picture.   Please disregard the few facts above that don't have photos.     Seacrest out.