Reasons Why My Husband is Better Than Yours

Okay, so, not really. But really. My husband is a rockstar. He has his faults, of course, we all do. But his positives totally outweigh those for me.

This is a very short list of the badass things about him, but after I walked into the house yesterday and it was totally clean, I felt like I needed to share this.

LET ME FIRST START OFF WITH THIS: My carpet is disgusting. We rent from a friend of ours who charges us like NOTHING in rent because the carpet is gross, the kitchen is old, and the dishwasher is broken. But the bones are awesome, and our neighbors are pretty cool. Please disregard our carpet. It's probably like 30 years old.

ONE.

He keeps Charlie and Charlotte alive. They're our Siamese-twin palm trees. Tree? Whatever. I'm not allowed to have pets or babies because I forget to feed the damn palm tree. But he remembers. This thing has survived because of him.

TWO.

He cleans the house. It's ridiculous how often I walk into the house and it looks this pretty:

THREE.

He LOVES our nieces. They decided that they wanted to give us this giant nutcracker for Christmas, and he loves them so much that he enthusiastically placed it by our front door and decided we were keeping it out all year long. The things about 3 ft tall. And it actually does the nutcracker action.

FOUR.

He appreciates art. I'm the kind of gal that buys a piece of art because it matches my sofa. He buys art because he genuinely loves it. Like this little sass-bag right here. She got attitude. We picked her up a few weeks ago at an art show. I may not agree with the fact that she cost as much as two of my car payments, but she's pretty cool either way.

FIVE.

His friends appreciate him. One of his bestfriends who couldn't make it to our wedding painted this for us and sent it down. It's super awesome. The picture doesn't do it justice. He put a lot of effort and hardwork into it.

Not to mention that this dude is former army and spends his days obsessively prepping for doomsday and has money and knives and shit hidden all over his property in case all hell breaks loose. THAT DUDE TOOK TIME OUT OF HIS BUSY ASS KICKING SCHEDULE TO PAINT THIS FOR US. I guess Jason is a pretty good friend.

SIX.

He talks me into things like this:

Do you see the penis?

SEVEN.

HE CLEANS HIS BATHROOM. Enough said.

EIGHT.

It took some training, but he's a full on drunk with me now. This is our bar and wine rack. Yes, that liquor is double and tripled up in there. Yes, that wine rack holds like sixty bottles and is pretty much full. Come party with me in Naples.

NINE.

He thinks it's funny to make a professional photographer take pictures like this of me then secretly place it in a picture frame in our home, despite my begging him not to show a single soul.

TEN.

I can't tell you the 10th reason. It's dirty. And for my mind only.