Stages Of A Diet (with Gifs)

Maybe you got invited to party by the hot girl in the office. Maybe you just caught your reflection in the mirror as you walked by, naked. Either way, you're a disgusting person who needs to immediately drop like 3,000lbs or you just might die of embarrassment. How did you get here?

So you decide to go on a diet. You search the internet for motivation.

Suddenly, you can rule the world. You have so much motivation that you're going to eat healthy, run five miles a day, lift weights, save the orphans, AND clean your house all with a full time job! Someone at work offers you cookies, but you somehow find the urge to turn them down. SUCCESS!

You lost a pound! Congratulations. Now you're going to tell everyone who sits near you in the office, all day long, what you did to lose that pound. You're like Tracy Anderson on crack, giving advice to everyone who walks by that even appears to glance at your water bottle.

You lost another pound, but it's probably because you're starving. You haven't even had any onion rings in two days and you're starting to think you might faint. But you must press on. You didn't come this far to give up yet, did you? 

So you heat up a Lean Cuisine and pray that it hits your carb craving, but instead, it just makes you want real carbs, more.

Now you're sitting on your couch at home, wondering if you have enough calories left for some cheesy-poofs. And a glass of wine. Three glasses of wine. And maybe some of that leftover macaroni and cheese.

Then you start thinking to yourself, What am I doing? I love food. Food and I have a better relationship than any one I've ever had with a human. Food is always there for me, and I'm letting it down! And then suddenly... you get hangry.

You're getting annoyed by your air conditioner. That bitch is so loud. And now you can hear every single word that your neighbors are saying through the walls. You want them to shut up. There's a dog barking five miles away that won't stop and as soon as you notice this, you realize, you're hangry. Your senses are heightened because your body is ready to lay the smack down on anyone who comes near you without food in their hands.

And then you give in. 

And then your coworkers see you the next day and they're like How's your diet going? And you're like:

And then you make peace with the fact that you're not meant to be skinny; you're a "foodie".

But you think to yourself, maybe I'll take the stairs to my apartment today.

And then it starts all over again.